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The Dartmouth College Marching Band
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Girl Genius

January 3rd, 2009

03:16 pm - What the creator of Corn Flakes had to say about masturbation

One of my housemates gave me some peppermint oil to put on my neck to help with my migraine this morning, which got me thinking about menthol, which got me thinking about phenol and wondering if similar chemical structures are responsible for the numbing properties of both. This got me to the topic of masturbation via Wikipedia, phenol being used to "cure" masturbation via chemical burning of the clitoris.

As much as the 21st century so far has lots of crazy people and some potentially disastrous economic and environmental circumstances, I'm glad to be living in a time and place where sexuality is not a crime (at least in its most popular forms).

In addition to the "cures," there's also a list of forty ways to tell if your child is masturbating. Bashfulness and boldness are both on the list. If your child seems to be especially pious, they might be running off to masturbate when you think they're praying. And can you imagine, if at puberty you turned out to be flat-chested and prone to acne, your parents concluded that is was the result of "self-abuse" and took you to Dr. Kellogg for a good old-fashioned clit burning? Better yet, if you're a boy, you get circumcision without anesthesia. Or silver sutures to prevent erection, although I think that's only if you're "feeble minded."

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03:58 pm - The Reverend: Evil League of Evil application

Also, as part of my "Why unpack and grocery shop? I'm recovering from a migraine" day, I watched the ELE applications on my Dr. Horrible DVD. This one and Princess Zombie were my favorite.

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